you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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