And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
