i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
