Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Dignity is for republicans.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize