So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
