I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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