butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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