i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
