My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
