No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize