My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
