After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
