Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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