my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Alive.
So much puke
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
