A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
