he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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