hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
