your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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