nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
