Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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