He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
