WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
