OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
