If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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