So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
