My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
