Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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