Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
