Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
