I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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