I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize