I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
