Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
