We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
