need another drink. this is the easiest way
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
