mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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