pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
