i love accidental penises.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
