I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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