tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Dignity is for republicans.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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