Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
there's paper in my vomit.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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