whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
