Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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