just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
