Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
