He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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