textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
