So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
