ugly people sure do ruin things
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
