Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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