a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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