she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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