Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
