I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
