Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
