Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
