the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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