Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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