Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Too much gin, very little bucket
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
