you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
