her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
