ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
