i need an iv and a liver transplant
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
