Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
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