I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Randomize
