So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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