Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Of course I have a pirate flag
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
