Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
