dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
kristin has been a bad kristin
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
