do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
