you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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