Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
