I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
