Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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