i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
