I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
