I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
