I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Slut skills are useful in every country.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
