Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
