I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
