She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
