at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
