it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
