I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
