You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You've changed since you got that strap on
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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