Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
