i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
