swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
