one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
