look no pants
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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