Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
