i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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