I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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