she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
